Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
