God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize