She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
