this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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