You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Come on in and take your pants off
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