I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
