It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
