You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
