My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize