if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
