He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
