First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
