Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
