So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
