man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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