Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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