she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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