Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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