I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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