She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
