Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize