Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
