The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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