At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize