there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
