If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
