Slut skills are useful in every country.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize