Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
