I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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