Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
