We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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