he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize