My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
