i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
