I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
