I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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