i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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