who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize