I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
