his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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