MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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