guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
