Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
