I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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