Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize
