You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
