we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
