New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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