Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
