she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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