saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
