I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
