just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
my poor anus
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
