Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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