and you said cock pushups were impossible
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
