That's intense
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
