The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
