She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I lost the right to judge tonight
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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