Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
