peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
